I haven't felt journaling in quite some time, I'm figuring it is because of the cancer and chemo, more the chemo. The chemo really screws with your brain, sometimes I feel like I am living in a weird psychedelic world only it isn't like the Yellow Submarine. There are glitters of light, swirling clouds, fog, things seem to move slower, my memory is worse than Fibro Fog, light headed, sometimes I feel like I can see the poisons go through my brain like waves in a sea, I am light sensitive, during this last puragatory session it made watching TV during the first week hard, sometimes listening to music was hard because the meaning of the words and songs sometimes alluded me, I was sound sensitive, my belief system sometimes spins around like a ballet dancer and connections are sometimes not made, I remember one day I watched "The Gospel of John" DVD and things swelled up in me and I wanted to scream and cry and tear my clothes (and though I am a sinner I am a strong believer) but nothing makes sense to me, actually there are days when nothing at all makes sense to me!
There are several things that I despise about all this:
I have a hard time concentrating to do my art work. I have created one picture full picture in the last few months and at least one sketch.
I can't concentrate to write a story, a poem, or a letter.
I have no real desire to read.
I get headaches all the time.
(I will probably come back from time to time to add to this as I remember them.)
Here is a list of symptoms of Chemo brain I found online:
Symptoms of Chemo Brain
By Mayo Clinic staff
Living with cancer newsletter
Signs and symptoms of chemo brain may include:
Being unusually disorganized
Difficulty finding the right word
Difficulty learning new skills
Feeling of mental fogginess
Short attention span
Short-term memory problems
Taking longer than usual to complete routine tasks
Trouble with verbal memory, such as remembering a conversation
Trouble with visual memory, such as recalling an image or list of words
Signs and symptoms of cognitive or memory problems vary from person to person and are typically temporary, often subsiding within two years of completion of cancer treatment.