It has been over a year since I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and went through the cancer dance of surgery, chemo, and radiation. I think I have done well concerning my attitude and outlook on life since then. But I have noticed the further away from that first day of actually knowing I had cancer things changed. The thought of “cancer” never goes away. I do my best to think only positive thoughts but it is hard to do the latter because cancer is a shadow that sits on my shoulder and whispers softly into my ear ” Cancer. I’m nearby.” Once you have had cancer, you can’t get away from it’s whisper and it is blasted all over TV, the Internet, and even the Radio. It is like having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other only the devil is the letter “C.” It doesn’t have to say a thing for me to know that it is there but it does like to whisper in my ear when I am feeling happy or self confident and pour a little seed of fear into me. It makes me sad, I begin to get anxious, stress out a little, sometimes get angry, and get real irritated because the voice never goes away.
I know that my cancer grew from feeding off of Estrogen and Progesterone and so I have begun to research what foods (like Soy byproducts) that cause hormones to grow, have begun to eat a vegetarian diet, look for recipes, and exercise whenever I am not hurt. (I am a fighter and impatient so often I over do my exercising or my body is so tight that I twist, strain, or pull a muscle, not to mention fracturing a bone in my foot, yanking a chip of bone off my ankle, or strain my back.) Cancer is like an alien baby that won’t grow up and go away, it is there for the rest of my life, and I have to carry it around with me always.
18 Nov 2011
Last night my husband read this and said "You don't have an angel on the other shoulder, you have another C - Christ and He died so you may be healed." I like that!