12 February 2016

Feeling old today.

I am 59, not ashamed to claim it but there are times when that number really bothers me because I realize that I have not accomplished anything I wanted to. Growing up I wanted to be an actress/actor, did a few plays and loved doing them, I’ve performed in Community theaters, school plays, Christian plays, but I really wanted to do movies and TV… that never happened.
I wanted to be a singer. Had some problems with that one. I love to sing and depending on who you talk to I can sing good or so so. I sang a lot when I was in choir at churches and then leading song services at some churches and at Bible School. I haven’t been going to a church that had song services that there was an availability for someone like me. Sooooo having not exercized my voice hardly at all, I can confidently say my voice is not good.
I wanted to be a writer. I have written poetry and did have one published. I have written stories, participated in Nanowrimo for a few years, and I still have several stories I keep attempting to work on. There was a time I was working on some stories and someone took my ex aside and said he shouldn’t let me write because I could end up living in a fantasy world… well, if that person wouldn’t be in my fantasy world I would love it!
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I wanted to be an artist. I spent a lot of time in my bedroom growing up and drew like crazy! In my teens I use to draw pictures from the teen magazines and did really well! I didn’t really get back into artwork until around 1999, I had gotten married, had two gorgeous sons, was a stay at home Mom and occassionally worked part time jobs to help with the finances. During those years I only created cards for friends and family. After a divorce I began to draw again while working temp jobs (had to have something to do) and soon I was drawing all the time. I got married in 1999 and my new husband said I should do something with it so when I lost my permanent job 5 years later, we got 10 different pictures created into pictures and began to sell them in stores in Norfolk where I live, in NC, and online. Sometimes it was hard to get out because I had Fibromyalgia but I did what I could. Then in 2010 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, closed my biz, had surgery, went through Chemo, and Radiation.
Well, I am a 5 year Survivor and ready to get back to work. I’ve been doing artwork a lot but I really really really want to find an Artist Rep who could do all the bizness side of it all… I don’t have that great a biz mind and my “rememberer” doesn’t want to work all that well at times.
So I haven’t accomplished much of what I wanted to as a youngster but I am still attempting, but that 59 year number reminds me I am no spring chicken…

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