15 September 2011

A Year ago today my life took a turn.

It was mammogram day and they discovered a lump. This was the first time it had showed up. I do my monthly checks and found nothing and had mammograms every year and this was the year it finally had gotten big enough to find. They did a bunch of tests that day and I watched as they did them. I don't remember right now but I think it was that day they did a biopsy and sent it off for testing. I insisted on watching on the TV screen what was going on and I knew without being told that they had found a cancer tumor, I saw it, I felt when they cut into the lump. There was no denying it. It was a week or more before the info got to my pcp's and we were called in. I'll have to peek back in my journals for exact dates because right now I am tired and my brain is asleep.

My life changed forever a year ago today, I knew it, I felt it, I felt a shift when Dr Kagan said "This is not good, you have cancer." I knew it already but his words merely reinforced what I knew but I felt a shift in my reality and there was no going back. He told me about the Dr I would be going to and that she is the best Breast Cancer Doctor in the area.

It has been a year and I have been through a lot: surgery, chemo (wore costumes to show cancer strength), had my hair buzz cut when my hair began showing signs of falling out, went through radiation for 6 weeks, and now am taking Arimidex for 5 years. My hair is growing in fairly fast but I am no longer a blonde, I have black hair with silver, gray, and white in it. Looks strange! Feels strange especially since it is coming back in wavy and curly. We;ll see if it stays this way or reverts to the old ways.

September 15 will be one of my celebration days because it opened the door to a new life, one that is completely different, it is what is called the "New Normal" because I will be checked very often to see if the cancer is coming back, one in which cancer is just about never out of my thoughts.

Originally I was going to celebrate today by getting my yearly Mammogram but I Knew before the day finished yesterday that there was no way I would be able to get up early to get to the hospital early so I am rescheduling. But to celebrate my life I am going to head out to Suffolk and remember. I loved Suffolk and it was there I had many life changes occur. Looking forward to visiting an old dimension of my life.

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