22 March 2012

In a weird place.

For the past few weeks I have been experiencing some mood swings and irritability. I feel like I am in limbo. I thought I had come to terms with having had cancer and gone through the dance but lately I’ve been feeling a tiny bit sniffly and sad. Perhaps I have finally come to the place where I am starting to grieve but not sure about what. I started reading a book a few days ago by Jenny North- something about Victoria’s secret keeps coming – and the more I read the more I felt down. The cover said it was written with some humor but I saw none at least not for me. I was going to stop reading it but then I decided maybe I need to read it so I could reap from her lessons. So perhaps I am finally able to open up to what is hidden deep within, things I didn’t know were hiding away.

I spoke with the lady I called the Grand Boober (the lady that is the head of “Beyond Boobs” in our area) about what I was going through and she explained that cancer has many faces and with each manifestation of something whether it is a test or weird feeling or finding something or learning something more about my cancer, I am changed and my cancer has a new face that I have to get use to, come to terms with. Dag, I feel like I have multiple personalities! And just when I thought I had come to know myself… LOL


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